Catharsis, volume two

It has been a very long time since I've posted anything on this blog. It's not like anyone reads it except for me.

I don't have very much to write in here. I have been a mess lately.

Serenity... save me.

A delving into the mind in search of catharsis...

I don't know what I'm doing.

I really don't.

There's so much I want to say and do but have no idea where to begin or how to get all my thoughts out.
I think I need a therapist. And a personal shopper.

1. I hate my wardrobe.
I hate almost all the clothes in my closet. I have quite a hard time finding clothes that fit me. The petite section usually only goes down to 6, which is too big. The Junior's section is.. well... clothes for teenagers -- which I am most definitely not, anymore. Many of the clothes I like are not stylish or they do not fit me. I want to look classy, yet not too dressy. However, I have neither the stylish prowess nor the budget to afford me this getup, so I am relegated to the disgusting cheapie-filled closet that is my own. I want to look like I care about my appearance, I put time and effort into myself just enough that shows I respect myself while not being completely self absorbed. I need help in order to do this.

I had a mini-meltdown on the mr today. We wanted to do something nice for ourselves – since we almost never splurge. We went to The Olive Garden and attempted to dress semi-nicely. I tried on a range of clothes in my closet which were either too small, had holes in them or did not match anything else I had on (I will not start on the shoes, which are even HARDER to find in my size). He tried to help but ended up getting frustrated, then angry with me because of my insignificant woes.

I’ve been having these feelings for a while but I do not know how to deal with them. Without the means to properly remedy this situation, what is the best way to go about accepting what I have and making the best of it?

2. I want to go back to school to get my master’s degree.
But I have no money.

I have to study for the GRE’s. I know this. I studied a teensy bit tonight, then took the practice exam – on which I scored a whopping 32%. Oh lawdy, someone help this crazy lady. I do not have the mind I used to have. I have been out of college over 4 years so I am not nearly as sharp as I was then. Even then, I hadn’t had a math course since my sophomore year. It’s astounding how quickly this knowledge leaves you.

This brings me to the next question: Why, dear lord WHY do I need to know some of this information? Does it behoove me to know the antonym of the word “donnybrook” which was defined as “an obscure word for an uproar…”

IF IT’S OBSCURE, THEN WHY DO I NEED TO KNOW IT?
Why, also, do I need to know how to calculate the speed of a train? I’m a psychology major. I know less about the air speed velocity of a swallow than I do about the chemical makeup of bile.

Can someone please explain this to me?

I’m also waiting for people to give me my reviews and I need to write my “professional goals letter” which I have been actively procrastinating.

I will write more on my personal struggles at a later date. Hopefully.
This has been mildly cathartic. I may need to save the healing process happiness for another particularly rough day.